My Bloody Valentine

“There’s more than one way to lose your heart,” states the catchiest of the many taglines attached to the original, and best, Valentine’s-themed horror film. George Mihalka’s second feature, and still his most celebrated work, is holiday-specific in both its Valentine’s Day setting and its locale, a small made-up Canadian mining town called Valentine Bluffs. A modest leader in the slasher pantheon, My Bloody Valentine so memorably starts with a dark and steamy underground sequence set in the coal mine, where a gas-masked figure in full mining attire is about to get it on with a hot blonde, who strips off her own gear. But the potential love connection quickly turns to a death scene when he pushes her against the pickax he’d hung on the wall, piercing her right through the heart tattooed on her bosom. The camera then enters her screaming mouth, and the title comes up in its glorious, so-’80s styling. So much better than roses and candlelit dinners (for the horror-loving anti-romantic, anyway)!

The backstory here is that 20 years earlier, five men were trapped in the mine by an explosion after their supervisors left them to attend the local Valentine’s Day dance. The one survivor, Harry Warden, was discovered after a hellish week of endurance by unthinkable means, and was shipped straight to the psychiatric hospital. After his release, bloody revenge commenced on those responsible, with their hearts cut out and placed in candy boxes, and the long-standing tradition of the annual dance put on hold to avoid further retaliation. Cut to the film’s latter-day setting: the town decides to bring the celebration back, but when threats begin anew, the local sheriff demands the dance’s cancellation for fear of recurring carnage. But stupid youth will be stupid youth (especially so here, because slasher-film inhabitants aren’t exactly known for their bright decisions), and they opt instead to assemble a smaller party near the mines—with some dumbasses even going into them—a choice they will of course come to regret.

But let’s be real: plot, characters, and even villain reveals aren’t so important in slasher films. The kill scenes are the draw, and My Bloody Valentine features its share of satisfyingly nasty ones, so gory that many had to be trimmed to secure an R rating (only some of the censored material has been restored over the years). In addition to the killer’s weapon of choice, the pickax, we get a sampling of deadly drill bits, bolt guns, pipes, and boiling water. But it’s not just weapons that serve to scare: red-and-white decorations never looked so ominous and candy boxes never so unwelcome. There’s some silliness here, for sure—we wouldn’t want it any other way—but also higher-than-average production values and terrific atmosphere, especially in the mine scenes, and a standout score by Paul Zaza (a frequent Bob Clark collaborator and composer of many other ’80s Canadian slashers, like Prom Night and Curtains). The menacing miner-outfitted villain seemed prepped for receiving a horror franchise. But minus a not-terrible 2009 3D remake, the idea has gone unexplored for over four decades—though Blumhouse is reportedly heading back to the mine for a reboot. 🩸